I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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