yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
