Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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