i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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