she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Soap is not a condiment
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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