Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
