so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
