My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
