I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize