If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
