well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This is my gift to your gina
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
