11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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