highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
