Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
