I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
