I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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