Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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