so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
