Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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