Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
