didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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