Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
