hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
