I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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