Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
