You can't special order awesome
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
