So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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