her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
