uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
