carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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