Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
