Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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