Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
