She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
