okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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