I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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