I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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