You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
