You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
