I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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