"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
