Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
