Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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