the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
