woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
