her vagine was all disorganized.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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