O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
