Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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