Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
