i can't believe i had my finger in that
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
