She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
