do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
