We named our party play list daddy issues
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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