It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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