Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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