cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
