just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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