Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
