I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
