just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
