I'm gonna have a badass scar
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
