So drunk, too bad you don't want this
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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