Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think your dad took our porno
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
