i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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