We're like a lot better than the average bears
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Send help, water and tortillas.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
