It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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