Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
