You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
