Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize