A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
