Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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